That’s What Your Mum Said

After a wonderful day in Sydney catching up with friends, family, and watching Christopher Hitchens be generally stupendous, the partner and I caught a very late train home to Newcastle. This train ride takes between 2 1/2 and 3 hours and after a long day in the city can be uncomfortable and sometimes a little concerning – a lot of people enjoy drinking on the train or using it as a place to sleep off their day/night of drinking.

When we were about 20 minutes from home, a man with a large bottle of alcohol covered in a brown paper bag in one hand, and an iPhone in the other, came over to us. He asked in a drunken and slow voice if he could borrow a phone as the battery had died on his. He was very polite however there was something quite unnerving about him. A few weeks ago, I allowed a drunken lady at the train station (at 8 in the morning, mind you) to borrow my mobile, even though I am a poor student and credit is like gold. She chatted with her friend for around five minutes with burps in between and a complete disregard for the credit she was wasting. Needless to say, I was burned. As a result I was immediately wary of this man and my partner looked quite uncomfortable too. This led to me lying and saying that I didn’t have my phone on me, and that my partner and I are students and don’t have much credit on his phone. I apologised profusely and felt really quite bad but at the same time, not bad enough to lend a phone. I must admit I was expecting him to be quite angry however he stayed calm. His eyes betrayed him and I could sense that he was angry and was judging us quite harshly.

He started asking what we are studying and where we lived. We told the truth about the degrees but not where we lived. He told us that his wife studied law like I am currently. He asked about our day and why we were in Sydney, and in order to be polite we asked him what he had been doing. It was a darned scary conversation as he appeared to be working up to something; yet, he wished us well in our studies and said he was sorry for making us feel uncomfortable.

As he left the train he gave us a flyer for the art show he had been to during the day where one of his friends had shown and sold some paintings. He told us that he will be showing his work in a gallery one day. He then hopped off a few stations before ours.

The more I think over this the worse I feel. After all of the fear we felt he appeared to be a genuine man who was just drunk. I immediately judged him as train-folk and assumed would get upset and angry and swear at us. However there is a good chance the discomfort we experienced was useless and led to us being unfriendly and uncharitable.

I am having trouble discerning whether we were unreasonable, or whether this is something a lot of people would have done.

Would you have lent him your phone?

I am lucky in that I have a boyfriend who is currently ‘keeping’ me. It allows me to study without the stress of putting the food on the table or paying the water bill. He claims that he will become a kept man and do his PHD when I graduate, but the joke is on him. I will get a lowly paid social justice job that fulfills me but only pays for half of the rent. HA! Sucker.

Anyway, my point is that my last pay from my once a month shift at an optometrist wasn’t required to make ends meet, so it instead went toward tickets to see Christopher Hitchens speak in Sydney this weekend. I like him. A lot. In a wrong way. Kind of. Sometimes I look at him and I think ‘middle aged paunch’. Other times I glance and I think ‘well hello sailor’. Usually when I don’t look at all and just read what he has written I think that latter. Even when he wrote that women aren’t funny, I liked his style. I love someone that can be a real dick with their tongue in cheek and cop the flack from humourless politically correct wankers. Dude, he visits war zones and rags on Mother Teresa! He has some steel balls right there.

I am hoping that he comes onto the stage with a bottle of scotch in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and it all just spirals into him singing show tunes in a mumbly Patsy-esque voice. That would be rad.

How can you not love him?

My lovely friend Jane, my little sister Katie and moi.

My delightful friend Mitch turns 30 this week and he celebrated on the weekend with a ‘Rockers v Mods’ themed party. It was hella fun and was just the release I needed after 4 weeks of hardcore study with barely a break (excepting he Atheist gathering of course)! Here are some pics for your viewing delight. There are a lot of me. I turned into a bit of a camera whore, but hell, I had a great time, and I finally had eyelashes (in reality, I have stumpy lashes that are shorter than my boyfriends. This kills me). I love fake lashes.

The partner and I

Sisters

My friend Peta, sister Katie and I

My friend told us to look like we love each other. This is what love looks like.

Friends foreeevvvvver

Very cheap cocktails = very big hangover

The birthday boy and I looking mighty stunned

Dancing like mods

Sister annoying partner. Usual state of affairs.

Around these parts (my townhouse) we celebrate Gravmas. December 25th was the day that Isaac Newton was born (in the old style dating system) and as you are probably aware, he was led to discover gravity by watching an apple fall from a tree.

I celebrate something that is real to me and that I can see and understand. I have full respect for other beliefs, but being a staunch Atheist, I will celebrate the next few days with nothing in mind but my awesome family, far too much fantabulous food, my lovely partner, my new red polka-dot dress, and an apple atop my Gravmas tree! Oh, and gravity (probably when I fall over after a few too many ciders).

I hope that you all have a safe and amazingly fun-filled holiday season. Get too drunk, eat too much and pass out in a heap, I say (just make sure that if you are in the North it is a warm place; in the South, make sure you are near to an air-conditioner)!

To blow the cuteness factor of this through the roof, here is my nephew at his first Gravmas last year.

I have an incurable case of foot in mouth disease that often causes awkward, knuckle-biting moments in my life and the lives of those around me.

Whilst camping on the weekend with my entire family (four siblings, four nieces and nephews, parents, partners, aunt, cousins, cousins’ children) and many friends, I made a total dick of myself. A lot of these friends are what I would lovingly term bogans. They are insanely lovely and would do anything for you, but they do enjoy a bourbon whilst singing along to ‘Live’ and wearing socks and thongs. One of my older sisters’ friends is called Ferret (I can only assume due to his small, lithe stature) and he is a hell of a lot of fun. Around the campfire on the final night he came over to get some damper with butter and golden syrup (hells yeah) and lifted his hand to waggle his little finger. To me, after a few glasses of champagne at the afternoon wedding and a few more goons later, it looked as though he had magically bent his little finger all the way down and waggled his knuckle. It was amazing! I had never seen anyone do it before! I got very excited and yelled “whooooooaaaaaaa, do it again Ferret, show me again”! I then hopped up and went over to him whilst looking amazed and excited. I was really confused as to why the partner and my oldest sister were looking embarrassed and saying “oh, Adele, no”. When I got to Ferret, I touched his knuckle to try and figure out how he had bent it over so crazily.

I discovered he wasn’t magic.

I discovered that he has no little finger.

I touched his stump.

Face palm city.

Here are some of the less awkward moments of the weekend. Except for the crocs. They are damned awkward.

Last night I had the extreme pleasure to attend a hens party for a friend I have known since high school and her soon to be bride. She is a couple of years younger than me and was actually in my little sisters year; however our school was small enough that the people with similar interests usually made a beeline for each other, regardless of age or socio-economic status. She liked debating and so did I. I liked acting and so did she! We both went on to do Communication studies at university and had the same social circle as a result of this. She is now doing a graduate law degree, and guess what? I will be doing the same thing next year. One way or another we have plagiarised each others life along the way!

Anyhew, all of the above faff was merely to demonstrate that I love the hell out of her and I am so very happy that she has found the most amazing person in the world to marry. After searching far and wide she ended up falling head over heels in love with another girl in our social circle. The first night they got together was a mutual friends 21st (much to the deep and utter surprise of EVERYONE in attendance – they made out for hours right next to the doorway that led to the beer fridge, so we all got a sneak peek) and they have not been apart since. That was over two years ago and they are now making the leap into the world of marriage. Being that Australia is still in the dark ages and run by fascist Christian noobs this marriage is not legally recognised. However it is possibly the most suitable and solid partnership I have ever encountered and if anyone should be signing a marriage certificate, it should be these girls.

Last night we celebrated their second last weekend of freedom to the theme ‘Kiss Me Slightly’. When my friend was still single she used to use this line to get kisses from almost everyone in the night spots we would haunt. It was so very effective and it has taken on a life of its own in our group – everyone appreciates the craftsmanship and subtlety that is involved. We had a list of 30 people that we had to get kisses from over the course of the night. Highlights were a man wearing leather, a slut, and a person on crutches (by the time I had left no-one had yet conquered this). Seeing as though I have a partner I primarily aimed to help everyone else with their kissing collection, although everyone that was in a relationship was very above board and merely went for pecks on the cheek with the strangers they accosted.

It was a really awesome night that started at the Arthouse Hotel in the centre of Sydney and moved onto Oxford St a little later. Oxford St is the gay hub of Sydney and has the most amazingly vibrant, friendly vibe. Such a mish-mash of very different people dancing and talking and generally having a great time. We went to the Columbian Hotel and danced with many people and after this, I called it a night. After last weekend I needed to be a little bit nice to my poor body and go back to my sisters house at a reasonable hour (1.30am is reasonable, isn’t it)?

I am so excited for these two intelligent, sexy, kind, fun women who contribute to society more than a lot of people I have encountered. I hope that one day soon they can make their marriage entirely official and be recognised and the serious couple that they are. They truly deserve nothing less.

This blog has been in existence for very little time, yet I have still managed to be neglectful and miss posting something decent for over a week. Nice work Adele, real nice work.

Enough of the self flagellation though, and on with the show. A butt-load of stuff and things have happened this week and they require some documenting.

Last weekend I did something fairly major that I want to note here for posterity. In one swift move, I successfully undertook my New Years resolution and consumed my first ever ‘Big Mac’. Yep, that’s right – my resolution was to eat something some people would call a ‘burger’ for the first time in my life. When making the resolution I decided to pick something very achievable yet kind of daunting. My idea of food doesn’t really include sugary ‘bread’ stuffed with ‘meat’ and ‘sauce’ and ‘lettuce’. However, I had become something of a social pariah for not having eaten the deliacy – many friends were gobsmacked that I hadn’t had one, and apparently I was un-Australian as a result.

Big Mac fuckers!

(Apologies for the poor quality photograph, but it is a very important one)! Initially, it wasn’t as bad as I expected and I actually managed to eat it all. I have to note that I was also totally sober and I believe that deserves a big fat pat on the back. However, about an hour later my stomach was not a happy camper, and goddam, did I wake up with a food hangover. It was worth it to experience the craziness but I doubt it will happen again. Unless I have had a few too many wines. Then it will probably happen again.

Last weekend I also experienced my first ice hockey game. My local team were playing against Adelaide so my partner and his Mum, brother and various other family members and friends rugged up and went along. To be entirely honest, I really wasn’t excited about going; getting dressed and organised was a huge chore and the thought of sports on a Saturday kind of shat me. However, my feelings could not have been more misplaced – it was hell fun! I was sitting next to some season ticket holders and in between important plays they have me as much information as possible about what the heck was actually happening. I must say, penalties are a little difficult to pick – it is ok to ram other players into walls, but only in a ‘nice’ way. Go figure. It really was very exciting and I found myself getting involved via yelling, clapping, and typical sideliner sporting commentary (eg “Jesus christ ref, are you a blind idiot? Dickhead”). The players themselves are freaking skilled – simply skating is hard, but all the crazy stuff they do? Genius. I would strongly recommend a trip to see a game if you can, and I promise you will enjoy it.

During the week I managed to wrangle a rostered day off on Wednesday which was truly kick-ass. I had every intention of being productive and posting something new, but that went out the door when I decided all I wanted to do was eat and eat some more.

Delicious fruit salad

Platter of goodness

I was craving goats cheese and sourdough bread (hopefully not pregnant) so I went and bought said craving foods and added more awesome things and made a platter. It was so yummy, I really could have eaten 2 or 3 more. I made one for the partner when he got home from work and he too was uber impressed. I think I will do more simple meals like that – easy as hell but really quite fresh and delicious.

Speaking more on food (get used to it, I have a mentally unhealthy, stalky style relationship with food and drink) I was very well fed at a close friends dinner party last night. We ate some awesome chedder and a washed rind soft cheese from Tasmania, as well as some Maggie Beer Quince paste for starters. For the main the host made a delightful warm chicken salad along with some Morpeth Sourdough. For dessert, a guest brought along a just-baked chocolate cake that had many, many giant chunks of dark chocolate spread throughout. It was insanely tasty, and overall the meal was fantabulous. Among 6 of us we also consumed approximately 6 bottles and 2 casks of wine (mmmm, boxed goon) and played Trivial Pursuit and Cranium. I was expecting to be home at around 10pm, but arrived at my doorstep closer to 2.30am. Incidentally, most of today was wasted sleeping, lazing and eating even more in order to soak up the alcohol. I have to say, it was a day well spent!

I would like to leave you with a song that the annoying partner has been singing at me all week. This is freaking disturbing.