That’s What Your Mum Said

…makes one a very poor blogger.

What have I been doing?

A lot.

I managed to get my eyebrows waxed on Monday. For the first time in 10 months. Luckily they are fair and don’t grow very quickly.

I got a job in the best cafe in my town. Their coffee is magnificent, and the atmosphere is so relaxed it makes me happy. I missed making coffee, and now I get to do it a few hours a week. I also get free coffee. Life is so good sometimes.

I am totally immersed in the law. It is awesome most of the time. Sometimes I get tired, but always feel a renewed enthusiasm the next day. Except today. I am getting a cold. It is lame, and it sucks away the urge to get out of bed.

But things could be worse.

The election is doing my head in. The advertising is appalling. If I hear ‘stop the boats’ or ‘a sustainable Australia’ one more time I may cry. I wish the Greens could afford more advertising. They make pretty, emotional, useful and moving ads. Bob Brown is a true gentleman. Wow, I wonder who Adele will be voting for?

I am just faffing. Feeling my way into a post after so long away. I am embarrassed about my absence, but it just never felt like the right time, the right tale. Today, I am breaking the drought.

May it stay moist.

I am lucky in that I have a boyfriend who is currently ‘keeping’ me. It allows me to study without the stress of putting the food on the table or paying the water bill. He claims that he will become a kept man and do his PHD when I graduate, but the joke is on him. I will get a lowly paid social justice job that fulfills me but only pays for half of the rent. HA! Sucker.

Anyway, my point is that my last pay from my once a month shift at an optometrist wasn’t required to make ends meet, so it instead went toward tickets to see Christopher Hitchens speak in Sydney this weekend. I like him. A lot. In a wrong way. Kind of. Sometimes I look at him and I think ‘middle aged paunch’. Other times I glance and I think ‘well hello sailor’. Usually when I don’t look at all and just read what he has written I think that latter. Even when he wrote that women aren’t funny, I liked his style. I love someone that can be a real dick with their tongue in cheek and cop the flack from humourless politically correct wankers. Dude, he visits war zones and rags on Mother Teresa! He has some steel balls right there.

I am hoping that he comes onto the stage with a bottle of scotch in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and it all just spirals into him singing show tunes in a mumbly Patsy-esque voice. That would be rad.

How can you not love him?

I had the best weekend. At a conference. With speakers. And seating plans. And conference food.

How does this happen you may ask?

I purchased tickets (expensive, gold-version tickets that allowed us to sit right at the front in the elite section) to the Global Atheist Conference in Melbourne.

This was a one stop shop for all of my intellectual crushes, and I added quite a few to the list by the end of the weekend. Peter Singer, P Z Myers and  Richard Dawkins were joined by A C Grayling (a new favourite), Catherine Deveny, Jane Caro, Phillip Adams, Taslima Nasrin (heartbreakingly inspiring), Sue-Anne Post (heartbreakingly hilarious), Dan Barker, Ian Robinson and the awesome comedians Jamie Kilstein, NonStampCollector, Julian Morrow and Craig Reucassel. Too. Much. Good.

Richard Dawkins looking bamboozled - around 300 people lined up with books to sign!

The most wonderful thing about this gathering was that I finally felt at home. I was finally around people who understand the way I think and what I believe in (truth, for all of those that are curious) and didn’t screw their noses up when I proclaimed that I don’t believe in the supernatural nor religion in all its guises.

All of the speakers had excellent points and most spoke clearly, concisely and confidently about their beliefs (or lack thereof) and their experiences of religion. Some of the greatest insights came from the speakers who had experienced religion first hand. Sue-Ann Post grew up in a Mormon household (and is now a lesbian comedian), Dan Barker was an evangelical preacher (fascinating) and Taslima Nasran has been banned from her home nation for speaking out against the oppression of women under the Islamic religion.

Poor photo of Peter Singer

Of course my favourite was Peter Singer. He talked about the ability of human beings to be ethical without religion and he was a joy. I raced up after his speech to get my book signed and was far too excited. I told him I liked his glasses. He looked at me like I am special.  I am mortified I said this to one of the centuries greatest minds, but I plan on stalking him out again and asking something more intelligent like “Dr Singer, who should win the latest season of ‘So you think you can dance”?

There has been a lot of controversy surrounding the conference and a lot of commentators poo-pooing the idea of atheists gathering together (apparently it is like herding cats). We have every right to come together and enjoy each others company. We have every right to cheer and shout and drink far too much and relish being alive. Heck, we paid for it (no government funding for us; a recent church gathering in Melbourne received between $4 and $5 million).

'The Ethics of What We Eat' by Peter Singer and Jim Mason

I’m not going to rant. I do truly believe, though, that religion has a lot of badness to answer for. I also believe that I should not be funding their tax breaks and perks with my hard-earned income. Honestly, I would rather fund our ridiculously ailing health system, or free, secular education for all, or even just better public transport.

I would recommend an atheist gathering to all, regardless of your beliefs or stance on freedom of religion. The people are welcoming and the food is great and the ideas are freely flowing and open. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my precious time.

Seeing as though I am now essentially jobless and a poor, baked-bean eating student I can’t afford to be too frivolous with the dollars this year. The partner and I are also saving up to buy a shiny car at the end of the year (one with amazing things like power steering and air conditioning and an automatic gear shift that I can actually understand) so I can’t keep using all my money on whores and cocaine.

There are some things I will not ignore though. Like this line-up:

Silverchair / Tegan and Sara / Vampire Weekend / Empire of the Sun / Spoon / Grinspoon / Lisa Mitchell / Miami Horror / British India / Bag Raiders / The Only / Jonathon Boulet

AND MORE

So Adele, say hello to Mi-Goreng for every meal for the next few months. Yum.

As posted in that crazy year that was 2009, I had plans to cut all of my hair off and morph into Natalie Portman in the process. I didn’t quite make it to Natalie status, but I certainly said goodbye to the lameness that was dank, over-coloured hair and hello to minimal fuss and bother.

Jesus, what a shitastic photo. I apologise to you all for having your eyes burned. One day soon I will get a decent one that has light and colour and a true depiction of the new hair. It was a slightly scary experience; there were a lot of stages when my hairdresser was cutting that things looked bad. Very bad. But she had warned me at the start to just ignore everything until she was totally finished and I have to admit that I am pretty darned happy with the end result. She cut it exactly how I wanted and my face doesn’t look too much like a kicked in biscuit tin. Yay for that!

The idea is to get rid of all the coloured hair (which she couldn’t totally do this time otherwise she would have essentially shaved it) and then grow it long again. Long and healthy and shiny. Kinda like this.

Bahahaha, gratuitous almost nude shot! Hot damn she is pretty though! We have been watching ‘Pushing Daisies’ and it is fairly wonderful so far.

Enough of the vanity. I have Wii Fit to attend to.

In 2010, I will try go-karting.

That is all.