That’s What Your Mum Said

For the past ten years my sweet little Hyundai Excel has been my constant companion. Buying him for myself when I was 17 with money from an after school job and some shares my Pop had for me was one of the most amazing and freeing things I have ever experienced. He gave me an out whenever it was required and allowed me to live a full life without missing out on much.

We did so many trips together, including a road trip to Queensland, the long drive to Splendour in the Grass in Byron Bay and all over NSW many times. He saw the best and the worst of me. He offered a ridiculously comfy bed after I ate special cake at a party. He also offered a ridiculously uncomfortable bed when I went camping and was stone sober and freezing cold. I made out with boys in his back seat and I drove friends and family many and varying places. I cried in him and laughed in him and sang loudly and obnoxiously in him.

Unfortunately the wonderful years have come to an end. Purple People Eater was stolen on the weekend and was taken on quite the adventure for his last day as a safe, drivable vehicle. Not long after he was taken the thieves put petrol in him and failed to pay. They ate McDonald’s in him and smoked in him (unforgivable) and generally made nuisances of themselves in him. To top it off, they ran many red lights (expecting the fines soon) and then RAMMED A FRICKIN AMBULANCE WITH A PATIENT ON BOARD! But wait. There is more. Not only did they accidentally side-swipe the ambo by driving like maniacs, but they then proceeded to deliberately run into the back of the ambo again. You know, just for good measure. They really messed him up good as you can see in the pictures, but hey, he went out in a blaze of glory!

The feeling of walking out to take him for a drive on Sunday morning and realising he wasn’t there was pretty cruddy. One of my fatal flaws is that I REALLY need to be in control of myself and the situations I am in; there was absolutely no chance of that happening when I saw that he was gone. I spent the day reporting it to the police and dealing with the insurance company and then there was nothing to do but fret. I finally got a call on Monday to say that he was found and I got to go see him. All I could do was laugh; the poor little guy was munged up. They left fingerprints and DNA all through the car so here is hoping they get a little bit screwed in return.

Farewell my old friend. I’m sorry your final hours weren’t more dignified or filled with lovin’.

Terrifying.

Ridge and I were always meant to be together. Now I get to take him to work and drink coffee with him and stare into his sensuous eyes all day long.

I have discovered that real life is just like Bold and the Beautiful. I already have some competition for my man. Observe.

Little fucker. I’ll fight him just like Taylor fights Brooke in almost every episode. Ridge is mine.

Apologies for the APPALLING photographic quality. If I didn’t love this mug so fracking much I wouldn’t post for fear of ostracism.

Driving home from the supermarket this evening the partner and I were talking shit. A brief pause occurred before we both spoke at the same time in matching whiney tones:

She said: “Why don’t you like me”?

He said: “Why aren’t the croissants up front with us”?

I love you too sweetness.

I went to my first boxing lesson this evening and man do I now feel like jelly. Alternatively, walking feels somewhat like what I imagine this ridiculously cute foal experienced not long after being born.

I am going to get fit goddammit. I don’t want to lose weight. I just want to be able to feel some strength in my muscles and avoid bingo wings/tuckshop arms. They’ll get you they will.

I also want to know that when zombpocolypse happens, I will be strong and fit enough to run like a mother-fracker.

Last night I had the extreme pleasure to attend a hens party for a friend I have known since high school and her soon to be bride. She is a couple of years younger than me and was actually in my little sisters year; however our school was small enough that the people with similar interests usually made a beeline for each other, regardless of age or socio-economic status. She liked debating and so did I. I liked acting and so did she! We both went on to do Communication studies at university and had the same social circle as a result of this. She is now doing a graduate law degree, and guess what? I will be doing the same thing next year. One way or another we have plagiarised each others life along the way!

Anyhew, all of the above faff was merely to demonstrate that I love the hell out of her and I am so very happy that she has found the most amazing person in the world to marry. After searching far and wide she ended up falling head over heels in love with another girl in our social circle. The first night they got together was a mutual friends 21st (much to the deep and utter surprise of EVERYONE in attendance – they made out for hours right next to the doorway that led to the beer fridge, so we all got a sneak peek) and they have not been apart since. That was over two years ago and they are now making the leap into the world of marriage. Being that Australia is still in the dark ages and run by fascist Christian noobs this marriage is not legally recognised. However it is possibly the most suitable and solid partnership I have ever encountered and if anyone should be signing a marriage certificate, it should be these girls.

Last night we celebrated their second last weekend of freedom to the theme ‘Kiss Me Slightly’. When my friend was still single she used to use this line to get kisses from almost everyone in the night spots we would haunt. It was so very effective and it has taken on a life of its own in our group – everyone appreciates the craftsmanship and subtlety that is involved. We had a list of 30 people that we had to get kisses from over the course of the night. Highlights were a man wearing leather, a slut, and a person on crutches (by the time I had left no-one had yet conquered this). Seeing as though I have a partner I primarily aimed to help everyone else with their kissing collection, although everyone that was in a relationship was very above board and merely went for pecks on the cheek with the strangers they accosted.

It was a really awesome night that started at the Arthouse Hotel in the centre of Sydney and moved onto Oxford St a little later. Oxford St is the gay hub of Sydney and has the most amazingly vibrant, friendly vibe. Such a mish-mash of very different people dancing and talking and generally having a great time. We went to the Columbian Hotel and danced with many people and after this, I called it a night. After last weekend I needed to be a little bit nice to my poor body and go back to my sisters house at a reasonable hour (1.30am is reasonable, isn’t it)?

I am so excited for these two intelligent, sexy, kind, fun women who contribute to society more than a lot of people I have encountered. I hope that one day soon they can make their marriage entirely official and be recognised and the serious couple that they are. They truly deserve nothing less.

Yeah, it is already Friday and I am only just posting about last weekend, but let’s be honest – I have spent the entire week attempting to shake off the effects of last weekend and hence lost the ability to type in an acceptable manner. I am choosing today because I can still reminisce about the awesomeness that was last weekend, whilst enjoying the pure relaxation that is right now. Just so you can be reassured that I am already making the most of my current weekend, be aware of three facts:

1. I just ate salt and pepper squid salad, a piece of toast covered in melted cheese and pepper, and then half of a small tub of ice cream from Cold Rock (coconut with Mini M&M’s and caramel chunks, and coffee with Caramello Koalas).

2. I am wearing a knitted hair band and it feels damn sweet.

3. I will most likely finish the ice cream when I am finished with this post.

Last weekend was pretty much all taken up with the Bimbadgen Blues Festival. Bimbadgen Estate is a winery in the Hunter Valley and it is located approximately an hour away from where I live. It is a wonderful venue for a small scale music festival and is particularly suited to blues and roots music with its rolling hills, wonderful wine and relaxed vibe. I went with the partner, my sister, my best friend and three other close mates. We also all ran into MANY people we knew throughout the day – it was a regular school/university/life reunion.

We started the day with a killer brunch (even if I do say so myself)

I made mini quiches, blueberry and ricotta hotcakes with maple syrup, cinnamon and mascarpone cheese, and a large fruit platter. Of course, it was washed down with champagne and orange juice.

We caught a bus to the venue which meant that we were able to drink without remorse! We had some cider on the way, which although formally forbidden on the coach, was conveniently ignored by the driver. Cheers to him!

It was a sunny, beautiful day, and luckily by the time we got there at 3pm the harshness of the midday sun was almost gone – a bonus as the partner has quite the ginga skin which generally reacts to sun by melting, and also because the rest of us didn’t have to deal with the effects of the sun and drinking wine at the same time. The atmosphere was lovely and fresh and the crowd was joyful which is something I really appreciate when attending festivals. It really helps to get in the mood when everyone else is having a kick ass time and generally being a decent member of society. Every now and then the organisers would send flames shooting into the sky from the main winery building which was also really cool.

The line-up was quite a mixture and to be honest, I actually only really watched two bands. The rest managed to provide background music for wonderful conversations with friends (old and new, drunken chatty ones) and eating the amazing picnic my group managed to scrounge together. Without consulting each other prior to the day we all brought different foods that complemented each other wonderfully. I took leftover quiches and chocolate coated strawberries (fracking yum), my sister brought about five cheeses and many different crackers, my best friend brought her patented egg dip (ditto on the fracking yum) and my other friends brought homemade chocolate tarts, sourdough, chive and cheese spread and a container of balsamic and olive oil mixed together. Very, very fantabulous.

The first band I went to dance to (after lining up for a ridiculous 40 minutes to get a bottle of wine which next time I will sneak into the grounds in my bags that were barely checked by the security guards) was Philadelphia Grand Jury. Man, they are FUN, not to mention uber cute. My best friend loves the bejesus out of them and it was cool to dance along with her like uncoordinated gits. They have a touch of Vampire Weekend about them but are far more down to earth and rough around the edges. The only downer was my friend getting red wine spilt down the entire side of her white dress by bogan feral wanker whores. She handled it like the awesome pro that she is and started dancing all over them and suggestively winking in their direction. Being that homophobia goes hand in hand with being a bogan feral wanker whore, they backed off quick smart. She managed to look great the entire day and totally ignore the fact that she had the biggest red wine stain known to man on her pretty dress. She is my hero and partner in crime. Here she is hoola-hooping like a champion. We both discovered that we have a hidden talent and have vowed to further this skill with drunken competitions in the future. Thanks to the hippies that provided us with the means to discover this gift!

The other band that got us dancing (and never fails to do so) was Bluejuice. They are just happiness, pure and simple. They have a great time on stage and that translates into the audience having a blast as well. I have seen them live 5 or so times now and they just keep getting better. Man, did we pull some moves. Observe!

Notice the delightful Forever 21 skirt I am wearing. It has pockets and was one of the most comfortable outfits I have worn to a festival yet. I think that the awkward dance move/poor posture/flip flops really set it off.

It was a hella fun day out regardless of the fact that I ate way too much cheese which resulted in me being the sickest I have been in a long time for two days after, and then very off colour for the rest of the week. That’s the price you pay for a day of sin I am afraid. God really showed me (douche that he is). A few more photos below to punctuate the fun. Take notice of the photo with the amazing graphically designed smiley face (thanks MSPaint) and go get involved in the awesome pieces made by Kim at Cupcakes and Mace. You won’t be disappointed

There are a few things in my life that make me exceedingly happy and calm. Obviously family and friends (although they do have the capabilities of making me Hulk-style mad), the beach, tasty well-made coffee, well fitting clothing and lovely wine. Since moving in with my partner around a year ago (we lived together for a year before that however it was in my parents house whilst they were working interstate) I have discovered the delights to be had in domestic duties. In particular, cooking, knitting and gardening float my boat, perhaps in an unnatural manner.

Exhibit A.

I arrived home on Tuesday to find two packages on my patio. One was full of Forever 21 clothing. Woot 1! The other was full of cow manure. Woot 2! My awesome Dad had left two big bags for me to spread around our garden beds and potted plants. He collected it from the paddocks next door to his house, and then even spent the time chopping it up finely with a spade so it was appropriate to use on small pots. What an amazing gift! I spread it through the garden beds today and it looks lovely and fresh and dark, just like it should. It doesn’t smell but it is so fracking nutritious for the soil and the plants. We have both flowering and edible plants throughout the garden and I can’t wait to see them go nuts after this feed.

I have already started harvesting large amounts of spinach, lettuce, coriander, basil, pak choy and thyme. We are also waiting on the harvest from broad beans, tomatoes, rocket, broccoli and cauliflower. Awesome.

As for knitting, I have found it particularly relaxing and rewarding over the last few months. Picking the wool for each project and then seeing it slowly take shape is such a great feeling. I have knitted many scarves, beanies, hats and hot water bottle covers! I probably want my next big project to be a vest (possibly bright yellow) for myself, but before then I have another baby beanie to knit (people are breeding like rabbits at the moment)! I have lost a little bit of drive for it because the weather has been so warm here the past two weeks and working with wool seems a little silly to be honest. But I won’t let it stop me. Knitting for the win!

Cooking = the bestest ever. Yeah, I know, shitty English, but it describes my enthusiasm damn well. I have a feeling it is a little bit genetic – every female in my family loves to cook, plus I grew up with older neighbours who had some skills that are becoming rare in the baking world. I have really grown and flourished with my cooking since I moved out with the partner as he is a voracious eater and I love seeing people happy after eating something I have produced. I am particularly taken with baking and I try two or three new recipes each week; I often take the products to work to share around and it is a wonderful opportunity to experiment with an audience that have very different tastes. I could see myself happily baking all day long and never getting bored. Yesterday I tried a microwave strawberry jam recipe kindly given to me by my neighbour. It has produced the loveliest product which is fantastic; however I also love the notion of passing recipes and ideas around my extended family and social group.

Fracking hell. I have just realised this entire post is one that would make my mother squeal with glee.

Last night the awesome group Anonymous brought down the Australian PM’s website for approximately an hour with a DDoS attack. They also targeted the website of the Federal Communications Minister Stephen Conroy and that of the Australian Communications and Media Authority. The reasoning behind this attack was to protest against the proposed Internet filtering legislation that the K-Rudd Labor government wishes to enforce.

This is a shirt I bought a while ago and wear as often as possible - many people read it and it starts some great conversations. The more people that are aware, the better Australia can fight it. Go and buy one and get the message out!

For those of you not aware of this policy it is essentially akin to the Internet policies in China. Putting the legislation in place would involve all ISP’s filtering out a list of sites the government has deemed unsuitable and dangerous (the black list that they claim does not exist, yet has been leaked to the media). You know, terrible stuff such as information on abortion and art by Bill Henson (man, the Bill Henson saga is a whole other story – I strongly suggest you buy and read this book for a great insight into how media and public panics begin and grow in an uncontrollable nature). The guise for this plan is that the government needs to protect us and do the job that parents can do quite easily. The government also claims that is will stop child paedophilia in its tracks. Unfortunately, this piece of rhetorical bullshit propaganda tactic would be entirely useless and would only serve to stamp on civil liberties and slow down Internet speeds noticeably. It also wouldn’t do anything with peer to peer networks which is where child paedophilia is an issue – unfortunately the average member of the public doesn’t understand this and it happy to ‘be protected’.

I am so very grateful for groups like Anonymous who have brought this ridiculous legislative idea to the attention of the public. They have also highlighted the inadequacy of the mainstream media in Australia. This SMH piece claims that the PM’s website was ‘hacked’. I have heard this word used a few times this morning in relation to the attack, even on Triple J news (which I probably shouldn’t be surprised about considering this). Anonymous are not hackers. They are a group who plan and undertake coordinated attacks in order to highlight an issue and achieve a goal. The word hackers sounds so sharp and sensationalist so the media has grabbed on and won’t let go. Not surprising but so annoyingly lazy.

This video outlines the Anonymous goal perfectly and it presents a very strong message in a very impressive manner.

This provides some more information on Anonymous victories. Please be aware that the top of the linked page is totally NSFW and probably just totally gross for most people – it ensures that the mainstream media do not link to their page! Clever little ‘hackers’.

I don’t want my Internet filtered. I want information free and readily available and I want the choice as an adult to view this information 24/7. I am happy for parents to put filtering devices on their home connections until they feel their child is ready for the real world. As free individuals in a ‘free’ nation with civil liberties relatively unscathed they have that right. However I do not want my government to ‘protect’ me. It is the first step towards Orwellian style control and that is terrifying. If by some gross mistake this legislation makes it through the Senate (keep fighting the good fight Bob Brown) I will move to the Netherlands. At least they respect me and my free will.